when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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