ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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