maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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