We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
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Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
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Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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