omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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