i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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