You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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