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they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
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So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
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Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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