fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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