Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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