My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
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so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
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Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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