Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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