I got chris browned last night
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
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