When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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