I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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