I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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