i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize