When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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