wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize