I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
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It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
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he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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