You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
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She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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