dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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