I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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