Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize