I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize