Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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