marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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