Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
one two three fourrrrnication!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize