i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
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I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
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Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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