i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
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Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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