And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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