Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
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Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
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He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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