New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
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I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
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I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
soo... how was my night?
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