Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
foreskin is a definite game changer
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize