Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
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I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
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I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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