I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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