Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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