The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize