either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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