Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
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