I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
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