I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
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We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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