question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
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When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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