Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize