he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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