Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
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HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
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He's a Shit stain on my heart
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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