my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize