It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
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Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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