how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
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he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
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She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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