u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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